my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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