maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
