I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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