The maid of honor just puked.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
