took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
