She's JV to your varsity
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
