Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
