if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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