; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
