My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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