I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
