if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
