She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
