OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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