oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
