my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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