everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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