I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
