So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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