rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
