if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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