tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
