Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
