I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
