you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
