i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
