An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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