my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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