so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
