We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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