i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
