I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
