hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
