It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
