I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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