Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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