Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize