hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
