Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
