I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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