Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
