This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
