You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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