Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
