Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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