Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
