Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
