So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
As shirtless as possible
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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