her facebook's as public as her vagina
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
