feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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