I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
