Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
