I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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