And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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