Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
