omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
