I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
