"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
not ubering you a puppy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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