woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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