They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
